In 2023 We’ll See How It Goes

Sharing some updates and trying to keep my inner child alive.

2022 was a mess.

It’s why I did much less posting than originally anticipated. I’m not going to get into too many specifics, but between nearly losing a comfortable job, being forced to leave our cheap digs around my birthday, the hassle and hustle of moving, getting COVID, and a few other things it’s not my place to share publicly, 2022 had some of the choppiest, most unrelenting waters I’ve ever had to navigate in this ocean of humanity so far.I’m grateful I still found some time to write, but anyone who was keeping up with my IG profile in 2022 most assuredly noticed I was posting way, way less. Granted, some of that had to do with a switch from focusing on poetry to focusing on short stories.

But 2022 also felt like a warning. Some days, it felt like my brain was trying to calcify into a certain state of frustration and into a boring, if not slightly jaded adult, not unlike one Mr. Peter Panning (Robin Williams’ character from the movie Hook), who had neglected his inner child for so long.

I think that was the most pressing struggle for me personally in 2022: trying to keep my inner child alive.

The dumb thing is that I most assuredly know how to take care of my inner child. I mean, hell, I’ve written some tips about keeping our inner children alive a few times. I knew what I needed to do. But the challenge was that all the reading, poetry writing, movie watching, and occasional ice cream breakfasts kinda fell off the wagon when my basic needs like job security (still precarious at best since my company had another round of layoffs at the start of 2023) and housing were threatened. 2022 felt like those movies where the less than intelligent henchmen to the mafia Don are encouraged to “send a message” to some unsuspecting schlub who didn’t feel like paying for their security or protection or whatever. 2022 kinda felt like getting punched by Mr. T’s Clubber Lang character from Rocky III. Granted, I’ve never been punched by Mr. T, but I imagine it probably doesn’t leave you feeling happy and wanting to keep doing it.

It’s just been a lot. I’ve started noticing the poems aren’t flowin’ out of me like they used to. Toward the end of 2022, I noticed I was not reaching out to as many friends and other people. I’m starting to notice that all I want to do after work is veg out and watch TV. I definitely stopped exercising sometime in April or May 2022. I still tried to eat healthy, but I’m pretty sure eating two or three pints of coconut ice cream and a whole wheat naan bread slathered in BBQ sauce with a mound of cage-free shredded chicken in a day isn’t considered healthy.

I’m incredibly and eternally grateful for the patience and resilience of the goddess (how I refer to my g/f). While I hope I didn’t lean on her too often, there were days where her encouraging and inspiring words were one of the only things keeping me from feeling like I was drowning, not unlike the scene in Hook where Peter Panning is saved from drowning by making out with the mermaids.

For several years, the goddess has claimed we are all mermaids (because we are engulfed in liquid when in the uterus). While I’m not 100% sure if that’s true, I can say for certain that she is a wondrous mermaid who saved me from drowning and reminded me to breathe throughout 2022. She also introduced me to the amusing and childlike Finch app, which is like a super chill and low-stress self-optimization meets daily planner kind of thing. That’s been helping a bunch too, as I’ve started exercising regularly again, even doing some daily stretches. It’s easy to forget how much a little exercise helps until it’s gone from your routine for a long period.

I will also briefly thank the universe for the creation of marijuana, as I’m not sure I would have stayed as sane as I did without it in 2022.

I’m doing my best to get back into a healthy balance again. I recognize it will take time, and more importantly, I recognize I can’t just make everything like it was before 2022 happened. Instead, I’m doing my best to do what I can when I have the energy. It seems simple, but knowing how many in my weirdo millennial generation are prone to burnout, I will simply settle for taking things day by day again. As the skunk once said “Forget the chaos of the adult world.”

I’m taking small steps like shutting down my phone some nights before bed instead of listening to podcasts while falling asleep. I’m attempting to take more frequent walks instead of just sitting for a large portion of the day while working from home. I’m also trying to do some more stretching and exercising on my breaks while working from home too. Most importantly, I’m not going to beat myself up when I am not able to do something and will continue to observe my thoughts without letting them run like tap-water.

I had a bunch of lofty plans for 2022 that crashed and burned real quick (due to the events mentioned way earlier). But in 2023, I’m not making the same mistake and putting a bunch of pressure on myself. Ideally, I’m hoping to be able to share a few short stories with everyone this year. If you haven’t read the ones I’ve already shared on WattPad, feel free to check them out! I also have another poetry book in the works, but the time-frame on that is a little more murky. We’ll see how it goes.

Now that I think about it, that’s probably the best mantra for myself this year. It doesn’t mean I will accept or reject everything that comes my way, but rather do what I can. For myself (and maybe the art goddess to a certain extent), 2023 is all about regaining our footing and taking some steps to feel a little more balanced again while also nurturing our inner children. But to be clear, I’m talking about our own definition of what makes us balanced, which doesn’t always fit the expected conventions of society or certain parental figures. Then again, that never stopped us before.

Maybe 2022 was a blessing in disguise because it helped us focus in on what was important to both of us. In a way, maybe 2022 helped us become un-crazy anymore (if you know, you know).

So I’ll simply close by saying I hope everyone is doing alright, staying healthy, and here’s to 2023; “We’ll see how it goes.”

As a poet and writer by trade, I rely on yourself and other readers to keep this whole ship going. So please share, clap, follow me on IG or check out my website to learn more. Please note, by no means am I a motivational speaker or expert in exercising, self-optimization or motivation. I’m just sharing and expressing what’s been working for me.