Turning Down the Tap
How I am learning to see through the ridiculousness of anxiety
The goddess and I talk about anxiety a lot. It may come as a shock to some who regularly meet us or read my blog posts, but the two of us are often, but not always rife with some kind of anxiety. We are working on it. Often. We know we’re not the only ones, as according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), roughly 40 million US adults also are living with anxiety in some way, which equals out to about 18.1%. Hell, supposedly in my weirdo millennial cohort alone, 14% of millennials are also moving through anxiety.
But as the goddess and I continue to move through episodes of anxiety, one thing is becoming increasingly noticeable; in and of itself, anxiety is ridiculous. Now, to be clear, anxiety is not ridiculous because of those non-empathetic types who sound like old people when they say how they "don’t understand what there is to be anxious about because it’s not like we’re living through medieval times," or whatever.
Anxiety is ridiculous because of the thought processes the brain puts the mind through. But in order to fully illustrate this absurdity, I need to share an example to illustrate the dynamic between the brain, the mind and us.
Think of your brain, the physical 3 pound organ inside your skull as a faucet or shower-head that is always on to some degree. It's always on because of the autonomic nervous system, which is the regulatory control system of the body that controls our heartbeat, breathing, balance and a bunch of other stuff, largely unconsciously. So, to a certain extent, if the brain is a faucet, it's at the very least dripping constantly. The mind is the pipes(?) behind the faucet or shower-head. The only difference between actual pipes behind a real faucet and the metaphorical pipes that are in our mind is that we can change and reroute the pipes in our mind whenever we want, and as often as possible.
Now, ideally this brain faucet and the mind pipes work perfectly, without any leaks or other stuff going wrong. Unfortunately, as we’ve discussed about the numbers above, many of us are not living in this ideal world for a variety of reasons that are much too complex to get into for this story. The point is, for the vast majority of us, our head plumbing is kinda fucked up in one way or another.
To further elucidate, allow me to share how my fucked up head plumbing caused a simple task to become something of an overwhelming nightmare.
On this particular day, the goddess was babysitting her 1 year old niece. I wasn’t exactly sure when she would return, but I knew it would be before I had to head over to my evening part-time. Before she left, I said that I would make a meal for her to enjoy whenever she returned. As I started looking in the pantry and fridge, all of a sudden that brain faucet went from a slow drip to this….
All these thoughts began racing through my head. "What if she’s not in the mood for that? Will there be enough for both of us? Am I really hungry? Do we have enough stuff to make anything? Do I even know what I want to make? Is there going to be enough time? Do I even know what time she’s getting home? What if the food gets cold? Have I taken enough time for myself today? etc…"
All of a sudden this simple act of trying to decide what to make for lunch was turning into something out of control, quite literally overwhelming me! It got to the point where I had to close the fridge and decided to take a brief shower meditation to #chillthefuckout. In the matter of maybe a couple minutes, my thoughts went from a steady drip to something along the lines of what you’d see in a Three Stooges short.
As I breathed and bathed, switching my focus from the rushing, gushing thoughts pouring out of me to refocusing my attention and presence on my breath and the running water rushing, gushing over my head, I realized how ridiculous anxiety is. In a way, anxiety is like our brains’ way of throwing a tantrum. But it's not like this tantrum is serving any purpose or furthering any thought. These type of tantrums our brain throws is more reminiscent of a scene from a movie I know all too well.
Granted, making lunch is nowhere near the same thing as working with a group of soldiers in the depths of outer space (where no one can hear you scream) fending off a mostly unseen xenomorph alien monster that lays eggs in people’s bodies. But, that’s what my brain was starting to make it feel like! And all I’m trying to do is make lunch for the goddess and I! That’s fucking ridiculous.
Please note, I do meditate, but that doesn’t mean I’m always stress-free or anxiety is a thing of the past. It still happens sometimes, and that’s ok. What’s important is how we deal with and move through the anxiety when it comes up. Over the years, I’ve worked hard to switch my perspective on fear and anxiety to see it not as an overwhelming monster that eats up time. Rather, more and more I’m seeing anxiety and fear as a choice.
Usually, that choice is between our brain tricking us into acting like a damn, scared fool and doing something normal, if not mundane. That’s the ridiculous part of the whole thing; how a simple action can trigger a massive amount of overflowing thoughts that can potentially drown us into apathy if we allow it. Making time for meditation, taking time for some introspection, or even just doing one thing for ourselves every day can most assuredly help turn down those nozzles of the metaphorical brain shower or faucet back to a manageable flow.
It’s not always easy, and oftentimes it’s something we need to get into the habit of doing. The Goddess has been reminding me (and herself) to take action as soon as we feel the rush of thoughts and anxieties flowing forth in those mind pipes. By taking action to sit, breathe and allow the thoughts to move through unimpeded, it’s kind of like psychically turning down the nozzles without using our hands. And, our bodies and minds will most definitely thank us in the long run, that way it doesn’t feel like we’re always living in survival mode. More importantly, it also helps us so in the future, we don’t freak out at problems that feel larger than they actually are. Kinda like…
Brycical is by no means a journalist or a self-help guru. But Brycical, like others, isn’t immune to noticing various patterns about how certain people percieve the world. So Brycical writes about it, hoping more will notice these patterns, find some inspiration and feel inclined to speak up as well. Feel free to read other stories by Brycical on Medium about relaxing and ways to turn down the anxieties in our minds. Or, you can also check out his website to learn more about him. It’s up to you.
