Understanding What Inspires Me
How Truth, Self-Expression and the Courage to Live Are Not Just Inspiring Me, but also My Generation
It’s easy to see what inspires a person, but it’s much more challenging to understand why and how a person is inspired by such things.
In my first blog post, I emphasized how I felt as though my life, up until this point, hasn’t made much sense. Having said that, several guiding principles have grown to become constants throughout a large portion of my life. These guides are also what influence a decent amount of my writing as well.
But, there’s a problem.
When I’m asked what influences or inspires my writing, I’m never sure how to respond. It’s not that I am unsure, it’s just, to me it’s a loaded question. It’s practically the same as someone asking “Who are you?” I don’t fucking know how you want me to answer a question like that.
I think what often sends a cat to grab and garble my tongue is that I consider the influences and inspiration of my writing are also what inspire my being, because I don't distinguish between those two aspects of myself.
This isn't to say the entirety of my writing is 100% autobiographical. But there's a certain interdependence between what inspires my being, and by extension, my writing. I think some artists are better able to separate these two intentions, and maybe in time I will learn to do so. But, for the time being, I draw my power and filter my understanding of the world into my creative process through three guiding themes/ principles.
Throughout my life, I've come to understand these three themes to be self evident and above all others. Not only do they proliferate my writings, but also my life.
1. Truth
2. Self Expression
3. Courage to Live
Growing up, I think these themes materialized in a variety of ways. But it's only been in the last 3 years or so that I've begun to understand how and why these are such important aspects of my life. I will do my best to elucidate what makes these ideas so damn important to me.
1) Truth
Truth has always been a major theme in my life for a variety of reasons. Soon, I plan to post a very deep dive about truth and why I don't trust people in positions of authority. But in the meantime, I often explain truth as “That which shall set us free.”
Just for clarification, I’m talking about deeper truths embedded in all of us, not the superficial bandage of pretend truths that get us by each day. The superficialities are the lies to our parents (sometimes our friends) about how we’re getting by in this world and how we’re definitely not experiencing momentary pangs of anxiety, self-doubt, dread and depression. It’s like how people make nervous small talk about the weather instead of sharing profound truths of what inspires us. These deeper truths are what connects our souls together, the intimate vulnerabilities and adventurous dreams.
I make this distinction because at this time in my life, I am 90% done living with and working around those pretend bandage superficialities.
I think Mark Twain potentially remarked that “Telling the truth is easier because you don't have to remember all the lies you've told.”
This includes all the lies we’ve told ourselves in attempts to build our egos to continue pretending all our actions are justified in some way and we are never at fault. Also, the majority of these superficialities are mostly illusions anyway.
I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. According to people that track how my generation interacts with the world, we are considered a driving force in demanding transparency in any number of industries from the food we consume to the places we work. We’re tired of the bullshit superficiality.
However, in my honest opinion, those superficial truths don't really hold much sway these days as various leaders in the political realm bend and grind the truth until it feels especially hard to grasp, like trying to clutch a cloud after one has touched the sky.
There is a reason for my desire to connect with and share deeper truths. At an early age, something always seemed off as I was learning about the world around me. What felt especially disconcerting to me was recognizing the ridiculousness of the primary two institutions to which most children growing up in a suburban (and predominantly white) area are exposed; education and spiritual.
Aside from what was already mentioned about educational institutions in my first blog post, the nature of it's insanity was further exposed to me in a comical way, in the form of redistricting. While that never affected me, I distinctly remember finding it odd that my younger brother wound up attending an elementary school that was further away from our house than the elementary school that I went through. This is in addition to all the other bullshit I went through in school, including being put into below average classes until the middle of third grade because I didn't talk a lot despite reading books like Moby Dick and Treasure Island.
I plan on getting into my come to Jesus falling out with religious institutions later. However, I must admit that the phrase “God complex” has never left my mind thanks to a rambunctious, blue-haired girl commenting about the miniature model design of my former church’s expansion plans.
2) Self-Expression
The second truth I've come to understand is that self-expression is a sacred act. Making art in any form, love with someone who truly loves you, or just speaking/writing your truth are, in my opinion, forms of prayer connecting us to something beyond and within ourselves.
Self-expression is one of the deepest ways to reveal something about ourselves, and occasionally the world around us. Self-expression allows everyone the freedom that society, in its many forms, constantly tries to rob from us. Self-expression is the doorway that reveals these deeper truths within all of us. It allows us to connect with each other because true self-expression let’s everyone know who you are and what you’re about.
I’m part of the generation that actively interacted with computers not just to look up information or play games, but also connect with others (usually AOL’s AIM). We’re also the generation that created the spark, then fanned the flames of social media. In it’s infancy, Facebook allowed us to stay connected with old high school friends we didn’t speak with all that much in the first place (the case for some but not all). Later, we could connect with people all over the country, even the world. For a very short time, until the social media became our resumes and calling cards, for me it felt like there was a time we could genuinely connect with people and see what they’re about.
Several people I befriended online I consider my best friends today.
I think this is why I tend to gravitate towards writing poetry and listening to a lot of stand up comedy. In middle school, I was introduced to both of these forms of self expression. My 8th grade English teacher, Miss Kann at some point asked me if I wanted to join an after school poetry club. Until this point, I was a mostly shy, slightly nerdy kid with glasses. The only writings I really shared with others outside of homework assignments had been some plays I’d written with the help of an amazing woman at church. Regardless, this after school poetry club was a revelation to me because it provided a (safe) space to express and learn about myself. Spoiler alert: I was a weirdo.
If it weren't for that after school poetry club, I HIGHLY doubt I would have felt comfortable enough getting on stage in high school or even feeling comfortable sharing creative ideas with people.
It was around this same time that I was introduced to stand up comedy, partially thanks to my conservative grandparents who subscribed to HBO (and Showtime). While I don’t recall exactly what lead me to discovering George Carlin, one of the GWOATs (Greatest Wordsmiths of All Time) at four or five on a Sunday morning, if I’m being honest, I was probably searching for porn. Regardless, while it wasn’t my penis exploding for joy, Carlin’s bit on time from his Again! special gave my mind several orgasms on that early morning. Not only was I enthralled by his use of language, but I distinctly remember feeling slightly relieved because I wasn’t the only one having thoughts like that.
“I find the only shocking thing these days is when someone tells the truth.” — Marc Maron
The first time those words careened around my brain was when they were uttered by podcast extraordinaire and comedian Marc Maron. I don’t remember what I was doing but I totally remember almost fall over. I love this quote. It’s not just about truth, but the difficulties of Self-expression in a world where most of us manicure our images on social media and beyond in attempts to present the best version of ourselves. I’ve tried living on the level of the myths I built for myself this at various point throughout my life. Spoiler alert: It doesn’t fucking work!
There is a caveat to the whole freedom of self-expression thing. Not going to get too caught up in detailing it, mostly because it would take an entirely different post to explain. Oh wait…
3) Courage to Live
The third and final truth I've come to understand about myself is highly personal. You see, even though I'm the oldest son to my parents and sibling to my brother, I'm not the first born.
My parents had another child before me, a boy as well. He was stillborn.
The first time I remember hearing this was right before I left home to attend West Virginia University. My father swears I was told of this before that point in time, though I have absolutely no recollection of it. Which, to me is odd because hearing the news that “If the first baby your mother birthed had lived and somehow you still managed to be born just as you are, then your brother wouldn't have existed because we had planned on stopping at two regardless,” doesn't seem like something one just casually forgets. Unless of course my parents told me this at four years old, just after my brother was born. I could understand not being able to fit all that information in my tiny brain at that time because I probably had other things on my mind. At that time I was probably learning not to pick my nose and also attempting to comprehend the alien looking thing my mother found, in a blanket, while sitting on a bed that was also a chair.
But I digress.
I mention this because that fact continues to have a profound impact on how I live my life. I'm here, on this planet in this time because a baby died. Also because my parents had sex. But, I wouldn't have existed in this current form people know me as if somehow I were born second. To me, it's an extraordinary thought, and a driving subconscious motivation as to why I've done many of the things I've done. It's because I am embracing the opportunities that life is allowing me to choose.
Because of the simple fact that I would not exist were it not for a baby dying, how can I not embrace what the world has to offer? Why would I want to live performing a job that stresses me out just so I can go down the same road that roughly 10 million-ish millennials (19%) that have already graduated college are going down in order to get the same things that we have been told we want to get by other people who have done this already while our degrees depreciate in value? Why would I not go to Egypt and teach teens English while occasionally doing ecstasy on a beach? Why would I not want to live life on my terms by attempting to make a living from being a writer?
This fearlessness is something I truly admire about many in my generation. Like, despite all the bullshit we’ve seen done to us and our parents, we still have the courage to go out and live life on our terms, from ditching lucrative jobs to travel around the world or popularizing music and spiritual festivals again, we’re unabashedly living our lives when we’re not too busy burning ourselves out through working longer hours (& taking less vacay time) despite wages not increasing while the cost of living continues careening upward.
Just to be clear, this doesn’t mean everyone in my generation is globetrotting with wanderlust in their heart. Rather, there’s this sense within me, and I know in others as well, that life is something to LIVE. I don’t think it’s the risks that scare us, but rather it’s the thought of never having tried in the first place.
These three tenets, principles, guideposts, or whatever you want to call them, have and continue inspiring not only my writing, but also my being. However, it’s interesting and comforting to note that it appears as though these ideas are not just inspiring me, but many peers within my generation as well.
If you’d like to learn more about me or my writing, my website https://www.thebrycical.com/ offers more pieces of the puzzle. You can also check out my first official “Brycical Blogpost” below.
