I Prefer People Don’t Know the Date of My Birthday
Why I'd Rather Celebrate My Birthday Privately
For most people, birthdays are a time for parties, gifts, something sweet and, depending on your age, a few libations. When I was younger, and presumably like most kids, I looked forward to my birthday like the second coming of Christmas. Or maybe Christmas was the second coming of my birthday, doesn’t matter how you look at it. Either way, I focused mostly on the gifts that were to be bestowed upon me and the sweets I could liberally shove into my mouth hole. I remember the joy of receiving several gifts, in particular one board game called The Great Grape Escape, because it involved using Play-Doh molded as humanoid grape characters running through a factory of plastic gears, and other traps that could essentially squish and mush them! I only played it once or twice because the set up took too long. I wanted it mostly because of the weird commercial where a group of kids seemingly enjoyed watching these claymation grapes be violently crushed. I guess that kind of fits with the weird cartoons I used to watch as a kid.
When I got older, my parents would offer to buy me food from whatever eatery I so wished. Usually it was either Chinese food or pizza because where we lived didn’t offer a bevy of choices that excited my palette. And there was no way we were going to McDonald’s. I may have been a teen but I still had standards! As I continued getting older, I began to realize something odd about this day.
Aside from the usual surface level psychology and mental rigmarole of getting swept away in greed and egoism of essentially being “King for a Day,” I began noticing that I wasn’t feeling fulfilled on what was supposed to be, at least as advertised, “my day.” As I got older, I also remember getting the distinct feeling that my birthday wasn’t as much about me as I may have thought. Slowly, I began to notice how my family and my friends all had certain expectations about what should be happening on “my day.” Once I began living on my own, I would get several calls and text messages from friends and family, and if I didn’t respond promptly they might even call again or text later. When I would answer, the conversation would often veer into suggestions about what I should be doing for my birthday. Or, if my parents (mostly my mom) sent me gifts, we would then proceed to go through each gift and have me explain how I felt about each one and why I liked them. It wasn’t as meticulous with friends, but some would suggest (i.e. drag me out) we go party at a bar or club of some sort.
Please don’t mistake these observations as gripes. I am and continue to be grateful for the support and camaraderie that friends and family provided me in the past during or around my birthday. I recognize that these people cared about me enough to do something. However, the fact still remains that I was noticing I didn’t have as much autonomy on “my day” as I would have preferred. What really emphasized this premise was when I worked at this ad agency in Cincy. I remember the CEO of the small company stopping me in the hallway a few days after my birthday and being like, “You never told us when your birthday was so we couldn’t throw you a little party!” Again, I respect the intention behind the thoughtfulness, but spending my birthday at my job while co-workers sing Happy Birthday wasn’t necessarily my idea of how I wanted to spend “my day.”
For the longest time, the only reference point for how I wanted to spend my birthday resided in the memory of my 21st birthday. Unlike the majority of people who tended to find themselves shit-faced on the first day they could legally purchase certain beverages that they’d been sneaking around to imbibe, I did something a little different. You see, I was finishing up my senior year at WVU, and, if you know anything about that school, it’s that there’s a reason it’s often considered one of the “top party schools” in the country. Needless to say, I had my fill of getting shit-faced for a while (until a few months later). Flashback time!
On that day, I had probably finished up some sort of final. My birthday almost always happened during finals week, so my friends were either studying their brains off or cutting their losses and peacing out. After swinging by my apartment and finishing up packing the rest of my stuff while the impending arrival of my parents in the next day or two played out in my head, I simply took an evening stroll down down to The Blue Moose Coffee Shop. It was practically an institution in Morgantown for people to study and grab some decent homemade grub. There was some sort of blues or jazz band playing that night; my kind of music. The place was packed, and like most days there was only one barista helming the bar. As I managed to find a seat at the end of the bar, right next to the cash register, I took everything in. When the barista finally managed to make her way to me, I simply ordered a beer, one of my favorites at the time called Wild Blue. Yes, it was blueberry flavored. Don’t judge me. After that, I had one of the Magic Hat varieties. That was it. I simply enjoyed two bottles of beer while listening to some kick ass blues music. The barista didn’t even ask to see my I.D., so I managed to even avoid any birthday wishes from her.
As I mentioned, this memory was my only reference point for a long time. Even at that time, I don’t think I fully understood the impact of this specific birthday and why I felt so free and clear of everything. But that day was still a little bit of a rarity. The problem was, it hasn’t been until recently I have recognized how I would like to spend “my day” and what this day represents for me. You see, these days my birthday means something a little different.
I tend to (or at least attempt anyway) view my birthday as something akin to a (slightly) spiritual type of new year, new you occasion. It’s a time for me to set the tone (and even a few intentions) for the coming year. It’s a time to maybe even bust out the good 'ol Native American Medicine Cards. Perhaps this is partially why I often draw certain totems representing some form of introspection.
So, on or around “my day,” I do things that satisfy my being in some way. Usually it involves enjoying a damn good meal, smoking a lil somethin’ somethin’ before or after going to the movies, potentially drinking some good bourbon or scotch, and at some point doing a little meditation despite the fact that I am often meditating during the majority of the day anyway. Maybe, maybe these activities will involve one or several people, but it is no more than 3-4 folks. That’s it. Nothing crazy, no elaborate gifts, just honoring myself.
Again, do not mistake what I am saying as a generalization, suggesting that all birthdays should be celebrated in this manner. I’m not. Rather, I’m merely explaining how my mindset on birthdays has evolved over the years and what is working for me. I’m tired of following old, egoic traditions and schema that insist I celebrate in a specific way, let alone how others feel I should celebrate my birthday.
At this time, I’d rather celebrate my birthday as a sort of annual spiritual and emotional check-in, while laying the groundwork by setting certain vibes for this new year as I celebrate this one-year-older new me. By framing “my day" like this, it allows me to create a makeshift tradition that honors my being in a calm, loving way. And look, I totally get that in a perfect world, all of us should be honoring our individual selves on a daily basis. But I also recognized and it doesn’t always happen because life occasionally gets mad busy. And while some folks may have the means to throw a crazy birthday bash for themselves or their friends, many of us don’t have that kind of luxury. Hence, this is partly why I take time on “my day” to honor myself with things I like to eat, drink, smoke, and watch. Also, while I’ve noted in past stories how I am trying to take more time for self-reflection (again in a perfect world as we all frequently should), I do my damnest on “my day” to do so because I am also celebrating another milestone; the fact that I still exist after 31 years (and counting) on this wild blue planet. In many ways, this itself is an accomplishment!
And, unlike other traditions, this one, at least for the time being, feels like something I can support.
This is how and why I celebrate my birthday. What about you?
